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- It's harder to make something good when you can't curse all the time.
- Tina Fey, Max 60 Seconds, 2008
- Destiny is for people who are too lazy to create alternate timelines.
- R. Stevens, Diesel Sweeties, 10-05-11
- They wouldn't call it falling in love if you didn't get hurt sometimes, but you just pick yourself up and move on.
- Gregory Thomas Garcia, Elijah Aron, Jordan Young, Raising Hope, Cheaters, April 2011
- The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
- Sydney J. Harris
- The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.
- Louis C. K., Reddit, 2012
- What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore parachute pants for a long, long time, and I'm doin' okay.
- Ellen DeGeneres, The Ellen Show, 05-17-13
- No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing; but most of the time, we aren't either.
- Marvin Minsky
- You can't please all of the people all of the time, and last night all of those people came to my show.
- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005), stand-up
- The first time I ever read the dictionary I thought it was a poem about everything.
- Steven Wright (1955 - ), stand-up
- Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
- Martin Fraquhar Tupper
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