Random Quotations

The following quotations were randomly selected from the collections selected below .

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.
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Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.
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Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
One picture is worth a thousand words.
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Fred R. Barnard
Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
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Marston Bates
The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.
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H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956), 'Prejudices: Fourth Series,' 1924
The trouble in corporate America is that too many people with too much power live in a box (their home), then travel the same road every day to another box (their office).
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Faith Popcorn, The Popcorn Report, 1991
When you hire people that are smarter than you are, you prove you are smarter than they are.
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R. H. Grant
Ever heard Victoria's REAL secret? Too much support hurts.
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R. Stevens, Diesel Sweeties, 03-17-08
Self-control is not a problem in the future. It's only a problem NOW when the chocolates is next to us.
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Shlomo Bernartzi, TED Talk: Saving for tomorrow, tomorrow, November 2011
There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time.
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Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937), The Last Asset, 1904
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.
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Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC)
About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
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Herbert Hoover (1874 - 1964)
The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it.
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Leo Rosten (1908 - )
Don't tell people to act their age. It's like telling a baby to move out, and if they're older you're telling them to "die in a hole."
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Devin J. Monroe (1983 - )
The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.
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Nicholas Butler (1862 - 1947)
The moment of victory is much too short to live for that and nothing else.
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Martina Navratilova (1956 - )
If the universe is bigger and stranger than I can imagine, it's best to meet it with an empty bladder.
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John Scalzi, Old Man's War, 2005
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
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Steven Wright (1955 - )
You suffer a lot more hiding something than if you face up to it.
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Alexander Woo, True Blood, Beyond Here Lies Nothing, 2009
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - )
from these collections:

MM's Cynical Quotes LM's Motivational Quotes Classic Quotes
Cole's Quotables Rand Lindsly's Quotes Poor Man's College
alt.quotations Archives 20th Century Quotations Quotations by Women
The Devil's Dictionary Contributed Quotations

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