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- The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940), "The Crack-Up" (1936)
- Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
- Ed Gardner
- Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
- Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
- Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
- Philip Johnson (1906 - 2005)
- I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.
- Stephen Leacock (1869 - 1944)
- From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
- One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine.
- Sir William Osler (1849 - 1919), Aphorisms from his Bedside Teachings (1961) p. 105
- I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967), Here Lies (1939), "The Little Hours"
- Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania. - Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967), Not So Deep as a Well (1937), "Comment"
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