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- There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.
- James Thurber (1894 - 1961)
- I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
- Jack Handey (1949 - )
- Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable.
- Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Prehistoric Ice Man, 1999
- The only way to be truly misogynistic is to be a woman.
- Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive webcomic, 11-11-04
- Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
- Terry Pratchett
- We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.
- Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
- When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), Mark Twain's Autobiography
- We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), Mark Twain's Autobiography
- There are no whole truths; all truths are half- truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.
- Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)
- The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
- Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950)
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