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- An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
- Robert A. Humphrey
- As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
- At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
- Emo Phillips
- Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)
- He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
- Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956), A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
- Pancho Villa (1877 - 1923), last words
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