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- Critics are like pigs at the pastry cart.
- John Updike (1932 - )
- I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
- Joan Rivers (1935 - )
- Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Charlie McCarthy (Edgar Bergen)
- Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.
- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
- If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
- Thomas De Quincey, Murder Considered as One of the Fine Arts - 1827
- The closing years of life are like the end of a masquerade party when the masks are dropped.
- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)
- Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein.
- Guindon cartoon caption
- France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.
- Billy Wilder (1906 - 2002)
- Men have become fools with their tools.
- Thomas Elisha Stewart
- Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?
- Marilyn Monroe (1926 - 1962)
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