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- I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005)
- A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
- Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant
- Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.
- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007), Interview, Mcsweeneys.net
- Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
- Ellen DeGeneres
- What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950), Pygmalion, Act 2
- The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), Ecce Homo, Foreword
- The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments.
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), The Gay Science, section 191
- Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.
- Ellen DeGeneres
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
- My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
- Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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