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- Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing.
- Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive Comic, 07-03-05
- I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005), Mitch All Together
- The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois.
- Gustave Flaubert (1821 - 1880)
- In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)
- Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)
- I am against using death as a punishment. I am also against using it as a reward.
- Stanislaw J. Lec (1909 - 1966), Unkempt Thoughts
- I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.
- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
- I'm lazy. But it's the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn't like walking or carrying things.
- Lech Walesa (1943 - )
- If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
- The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
- Jeff Foxworthy
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