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- With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'
- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
- Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand
- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007)
- There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
- Dick Cavett (1936 - )
- Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
- Ernie Kovacs
- Equations are the devil's sentences.
- Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report
- If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough
- Mario Andretti (1940 - )
- I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930), The Sign of Four, A Scandal in Bohemia
- Ever heard Victoria's REAL secret? Too much support hurts.
- R. Stevens, Diesel Sweeties, 03-17-08
- Everyone's a hero in their own way, in their own not that heroic way.
- Joss Whedon, Zack Whedon, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Jed Whedon, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, 2008
- Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface. But sometimes, there's a third, even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one. Like with pie.
- Joss Whedon, Zack Whedon, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Jed Whedon, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, 2008
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