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- To say that a man is made up of certain chemical elements is a satisfactory description only for those who intend to use him as a fertilizer.
- Herbert J. Muller
- The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.
- Louis C. K., Reddit, 2012
- The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself.
- Louis C. K., Louis C. K.: Chewed Up, 2008
- Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.
- Louis C. K., Vanity Fair interview, 2013
- The United States Congress, like a lot of rich people, lives in two houses.
- John Green, Vlogbrothers, Why Does Congress Suck?, 01-01-13
- What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore parachute pants for a long, long time, and I'm doin' okay.
- Ellen DeGeneres, The Ellen Show, 05-17-13
- I've accepted that I'm not going to die of natural causes, [but] getting killed 'cuz you're naturally a dick seems like natural causes to me.
- Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive, Natural Causes, 06-07-13
- No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing; but most of the time, we aren't either.
- Marvin Minsky
- My computer beat me at chess... so I beat it at kickboxing.
- Demetri Martin
- The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
- Bill Murray (1950 - )
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