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- The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
- Dave Barry (1947 - ), "The Taming of the Screw"
- You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave.
- Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)
- What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)
- A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
- Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626)
- With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another.
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)
- Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
- David T. Wolf (1943 - )
- Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930), (Sherlock Holmes) Valley of Fear, 1915
- Man is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness from which he emerges and the infinity in which he is engulfed.
- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)
- Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
- I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
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