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- All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
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