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- The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.
- Michael Friedman
- Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
- Sue Murphy
- An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarred from talking of his own dear person.
- Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)
- The world tolerates conceit from those who are successful, but not from anybody else.
- John Blake
- The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.
- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)
- The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
- James Thurber (1894 - 1961), in Edward R. Murrow television interview
- Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)
- The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything.
- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877)
- Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
- Josh Billings (1818 - 1885)
- Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
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