Both of these quotations are true to me. I feel like I should never be idle, but I also believe that sometimes I need to “just sits.” It’s a point of contention in my mind with both beliefs constantly duking it out in my mind. Sometimes I believe that I should never be idle so much that the only time I get to rest is when I’m forced to.
Being forced to rest because you physically cannot work is not a pleasant place to be in. In fact, it’s part of the reason that I end up obsessing over seemingly trivial things like video games and cheap novels. I CAN’T work, so end up obsessing in a round-about way to resting.
Which is right?
I like the “just sits” idea, but I have such a hard time just sitting that I don’t know what to do with myself when I do. Meditation doesn’t work for me. Praying is useless when I feel like I’m just praying to myself. Just sitting is harder for me than resolving to never be idle, so I end up working until I can’t work anymore.
What is the answer?
I don’t know. I’ll tell you when I find it, but as it is, I’ve got a lot of things to do and I can’t just go testing that “just sits” thing right now.