I had a meltdown at lunch today. I work a full-time job in addition to all the writing I do. My lunch hour is spent writing. Today, I just procrastinated. When I couldn’t procrastinate anymore, I just took out a piece of paper and started writing in an effort to see why I was delaying my favorite activity of the day.
I only have 10 minutes to write, so I need to be quick. I was watching a show on my Tapwave, but the batteries are low, so I have 10 minutes to do what I should have been doing in the first place.
I wrote three Starling Fitness entries and a couple of Pick Me! entries this morning before I left for work. My Starling Fitness backlog is long enough now that I can concentrate on the Quotations Blog. I haven’t written anything for it since the first three entries that I gave to Mike. He wants to get it online as soon as we can so we can get into the search engines for the start of school. Hopefully, we’ll get a huge number of people seeing our new blog the very first day.
I really feel under the gun for this one because the audience is so large. When I said I wanted to write for a readership of a small town, I had no idea it was going to be the clan of Quotation Lovers. I kind of thought it was going to be a small town. I feel like I have to be SO GOOD for this and I’m feeling the Demon of Perfection breathing on my neck. It has taken my pen from me and is poking me in the face with it.
I just have to write. That’s what I have to do. I have to write, no matter how crappy it is. It doesn’t matter. I just need to write and not stop writing until the clan of Quotation Lovers feels just as comfortable and loving as my people who read Pick Me! and Starling Fitness. That’s what I have to do. If I am honest and bear my soul, it will work out for me.
My breathing is labored because I’m so bothered by this. I have wanted it for so long and now I’m being handed a huge readership on a silver platter. I am scared to death. I need to spend the evening getting through this. I need to write myself through this. It’s the only thing that works for me.
Ironically, I had been trying to write an entry about the quotation above. All that would go through my mind is whether John Wayne really said it or not and if he did, was it in a movie. “The credit should really go to the screenwriter instead of John Wayne. Most of those quotes from famous people are really just misquotes or should go to the screenwriter. I should really check that out…”
The truth of the matter is: I just need to saddle up and I realized it by writing out my fears. It doesn’t matter whether John Wayne said it or not. The truth is the same no matter who said it. I just needed to take a little advice from The Duke today.