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- There ought to be a room in every house to swear in.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- It's a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- Carlyle said, "A lie cannot live"; it shows he did not know how to tell them.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
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