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- Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- I think I think, therefore, I think I am.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- The covers of this book are too far apart.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Experience, n. The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Christian, n. One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Opera, n. A play representing life in another world whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures, and no postures but attitudes.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
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