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- When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- What if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
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