Quotation Search
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- We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
- Dave Barry (1947 - )
- If you're not scared or angry at the thought of a human brain being controlled remotely, then it could be this prototype of mine is finally starting to work.
- John Alejandro King, My War On Terror!
- Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.
- Jim Morrison (1943 - 1971), No One Here Gets Out Alive
- I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.
- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
- If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.
- Eddie Izzard, Dress To Kill
- Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
- Jackie Mason (1934 - )
- There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
- Dick Cavett (1936 - )
- Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
- Ernie Kovacs
- An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves.
- Bill Vaughan
- Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
- Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - )
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