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- Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
- Dave Barry (1947 - ), "The Taming of the Screw"
- I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
- Dave Barry (1947 - )
- The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
- Dave Barry (1947 - ), "The Taming of the Screw"
- What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)
- With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another.
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)
- Man is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness from which he emerges and the infinity in which he is engulfed.
- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)
- Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
- I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
- There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
- As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
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