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- Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I merely looked constipated.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
- Any man who, having a child or children he can't support, proceeds to have another should be sterilized at once.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- Psychoanalysts are father confessors who like to listen to the sins of the father as well.
- Karl Kraus (1874 - 1936)
- The more he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
- Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing they die earlier.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- The comfortable estate of widowhood is the only hope that keeps up a wife's spirits.
- John Gay (1685 - 1732)
- Marriage: a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.
- Beverly Nichols
- The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher,
Were each of them once a kiddie.
A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
Do I want one? God Forbiddie! - Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971)
- Probable-Possible, my black hen,
She lays eggs in the Relative When.
She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now
Because she's unable to postulate how. - Frederick Winsor
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