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- A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition.
- Earl of Kent, _The_Tragedy_of_King_Lear_
- I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.
- Arturo Toscanini
- Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
- Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
- Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
- Mickey Rooney (1920 - )
- The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.
- Ann Landers (1918 - 2002)
- I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that, they just about throw up.
- Barbara Bush (1925 - )
- There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.
- Steve Martin (1945 - )
- Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself.
- Mae West (1892 - 1980)
- SURE-FIRE SINGLES AD:
Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. Will obtain plastic surgery if necessary. - Joe Bob Briggs
- I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
- Emo Philips
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