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- What torture, this life in society! Often someone is obliging enough to offer me a light, and in order to oblige him I have to fish a cigarette out of my pocket.
- Karl Kraus (1874 - 1936)
- When she was a small girl, Amanda hid a ticking clock in an old, rotten tree trunk. It drove woodpeckers crazy. Ignoring tasty bugs all around them, they just about beat their brains out trying to get at the clock. Years later, Amanda used the woodpecker experiment as a model for understanding capitalism, Communism, Christianity, and all other systems that traffic in future rewards rather than in present realities.
- Tom Robbins (1936 - )
- A philosopher once said 'It is necessary for the very existence of science that the same conditions always produce the same results'. Well, they do not. You set up the circumstances, with the same conditions every time, and you cannot predict behind which hole you will see the electron.
- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988)
- History, n. An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Swat my hind with a mellon rind, That's my penguin state of mind.
- Opus
- Cover a war in a place where you can't drink beer or talk to a woman?
Hell no!" - Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005)
- Aliter catuli longe olent, aliter sues.
("Puppies and pigs have a very different smell.") - Plautus
- Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
- Happiness, noun. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.
- Russell Baker (1925 - )
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