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- I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.
- Paula Poundstone
- It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.
- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
- Being perfectly well-dressed gives a feeling of tranquility that religion is powerless to bestow.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882), quoting a friend
- Shut up he explained.
- Ring Lardner (1885 - 1933), The Young Immigrants, 1920
- Lactomangulation, n.:
Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side. - Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
- No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
- My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music.
- Vladimir Nabokov (1899 - 1977)
- Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
- William Safire (1929 - )
- You kids today have it easy. When I was a kid everything was HUGE. My dad was nearly four times bigger than me. You couldn't even see the tops of counters.... Then gradually everything became smaller until it was the manageable size it is today.
- Bizarro (comic strip)
- Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
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