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- Name me and emperor who was ever struck by a cannonball.
- Charles V
- A sportsman is a man who, every now and then, simply has to go out and kill something.
- Stephen Leacock (1869 - 1944)
- Friendship is a very taxing and arduous form of leisure activity.
- Mortimer Adler
- Childhood, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)
- Why should I tolerate a perfect stranger at the bedside of my mind?
- Vladimir Nabokov (1899 - 1977)
- I've been to one world's fair, a picnic and a rodeo and that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard come over a set of headphones.
- Major Kong (Slim Pickins) in Dr. Strangelove
- He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples.
- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971)
- (Clemenceau) once said that war is too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he may have been right...but now, war is too important to be left to the politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought...And I can no longer, sit around and allow Communist subversion, Communist corruption, and Communist infiltration of our precious bodily fluids.
- Col. Jack Ripper, commander of Burpleson AFB to Group Capt. Mandrake (Peter Sellers) in Dr. Strangelove
- America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.
- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
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