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- Writing well means never having to say, 'I guess you had to be there.'
- Jef Mallett, Frazz, 07-29-07
- It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.
- Havelock Ellis (1859 - 1939)
- The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing.
- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964)
- It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
- Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980)
- Never tell anyone that you're writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death.
- Lynn Johnston (1947 - ), For Better or For Worse, 07-15-06
- Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
- In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.
- Calvin Trillin (1935 - )
- Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it.
- Senator Dianne Feinstein (1933 - )
- The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
- I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005), Comedy Central Presents
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