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- I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
- Dave Barry (1947 - )
- As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
- At least half the mystery novels published violate the law that the solution, once revealed, must seem to be inevitable.
- Raymond Chandler (1888 - 1959)
- It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
- P. G. Wodehouse (1881 - 1975), The Man Upstairs (1914)
- Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished for any very remarkable felicities of expression.
- Amos Bronson Alcott (1799 - 1888)
- About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
- Josh Billings (1818 - 1885)
- My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.
- Jean Rostand (1894 - 1977), Journal of a Character, 1931
- Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.
- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894)
- A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
- Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - )
- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)
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