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- Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
- I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.
- Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons
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