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- Watch?? I'm gonna pray, man! Know any good religions?
- Zaphod Beeblebrox (Douglas Adams)
- If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
- James Thurber (1894 - 1961)
- An intelligence service is, in fact, a stupidity service.
- E.B. White
- A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.
- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
- We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
- There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
- Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)
- The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Honesty is the best policy; but he who is governed by that maxim is not an honest man.
- Richard Whately, Archbishop of Dublin
- It may be risky to marry for love, but it's so honest that the Lord just has to smile on it.
- Josh Billings (1818 - 1885)
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