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- A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors.
- William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954)
- Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.
- Ben Hecht (1893 - 1964)
- A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not.
- Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754)
- If a thing isn't worth saying, you sing it.
- Pierre Beaumarchais (1732 - 1799)
- No opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible.
- W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973)
- Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971)
- You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
- Stanislaw J. Lec (1909 - 1966), "Unkempt Thoughts"
- Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
- There are more fools in the world than there are people.
- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856)
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