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- Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Bill Watterson (1958 - ), Calvin and Hobbes
- All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often.
- Stanislaw J. Lec (1909 - 1966), "Unkempt Thoughts"
- There are grammatical errors even in his silence.
- Stanislaw J. Lec (1909 - 1966), "Unkempt Thoughts"
- Advice to writers: Sometimes you just have to stop writing. Even before you begin.
- Stanislaw J. Lec (1909 - 1966), "Unkempt Thoughts"
- Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.
- Dave Barry (1947 - ), "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
- Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
- Dave Barry (1947 - ), "The Taming of the Screw"
- The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
- Dave Barry (1947 - ), "The Taming of the Screw"
- You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave.
- Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)
- With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another.
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)
- Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930), (Sherlock Holmes) Valley of Fear, 1915
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