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- Fork, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment.
- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
- One murder makes a villain, millions a hero.
- Beilby Porteus, Death, A Poem
- If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
- Thomas De Quincey, Murder Considered as One of the Fine Arts - 1827
- Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977), A Day at the Races - 1936
- When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
- Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
- H.G. Wells
- Conversation is the enemy of good wine and food.
- Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980)
- The closing years of life are like the end of a masquerade party when the masks are dropped.
- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)
- France was a long despotism tempered by epigrams.
- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)
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