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- History is bunk.
- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)
- Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Very few things happen at the right time and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.
- Herodotus (484 BC - 430 BC)
- Every man is thoroughly happy twice in his life: just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- When there are two conflicting versions of a story, the wise course is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.
- H. Allen Smith
- A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
- I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?
- Ronnie Shakes
- If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate.
- Diogenes the Cynic (412 to 323 B.C.)
- The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.
- Maurice Chapelain
- It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
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