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- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Steven Wright (1955 - ), Standup Comedy Routine
- I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.
- Steven Wright (1955 - ), Standup Comedy Routine
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- I bought some powdered water yesterday. I don't know what to add.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- Every now and then I like to lean out my window, look up and smile for a satellite picture.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
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