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- If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- An income tax form is like a laundry list -- either way you lose your shirt.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- Do we really deserve top billing?
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
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