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- Childhood, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Interpreter: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- One hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong.
- Graffito, as given in The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Quotations, 2nd ed.
- Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Every time Europe looks across the Atlantic to see the American eagle, it observes only the rear end of an ostrich.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Phonograph, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Lawyer, n. One skilled in the circumvention of the law.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
- Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
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