Quotations and Literature Forum

Santa was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called him bluff, "OK, Santa how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Santa and boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Santa! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Santa's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Santa says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes, I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, George W. spots Santa on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Santa, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Santa, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Santa. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Santa and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Santa says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And Santa disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Santa emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

By the time Santa returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Santa asks, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Santa Singh?"

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Ishrat Noor Khan

Rip snorting ball tearer, and about bloody time you resurfaced sir!

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السلام عليكم

Welcome back Ishrat, thank you for great new jokes, we've been really running dry.

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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)

Good to be back from hibernation...

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Ishrat Noor Khan

By George, it must be time for tea!

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السلام عليكم

Two priests and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says,,, "What is this, a joke?"

Well probably not laughter but good memories and positive vibes can get you through. What hurts the most is when you have quite a big problem ahead of you and instead of seeing it lightly, you stop and live by it. There is no problem with thinking of it but it is another when you have to put your life on hold just to let it pass. Hang loose and live by the day.

Bit late for St Pat's Day, but worth a smile




http://www.lifewithdogs.tv/2012/03/bord ... ricks-day/

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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)

Gee, I'm sorry, but I don't think I 'get' the Porsche Watch joke.

A watch with a flat 6, air cooled, leather seats and goes like a cut snake. How can you not see that?

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السلام عليكم

Easy ways to die:
Take a Cigar daily = You will die 10 years early.
Drink Whiskey daily = You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly = You will die daily.

- Farzana

Thanks.
http://www.alacraft.com.au/scrapbooking-cat10

hahaha..good jokes..I enjoying reading this santa and boss joke..i like this joke.

THE FIRST OLYMPICS JOKE (definitely non pc)

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.
The Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
" McTavish , Scotland ," he says, "Discus," and in he walks.
The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
" Waddington-Smythe , England ," he says, "Pole vault," and in he walks.
The Irishman looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland ," he says,
"Fencing."

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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)

A father is scolding his son for his poor performance in school. He warns.


Father: What is happening to your studies?? Today is another examination in your math! Remember this! if you fail this exam again, don't ever ever call me your dad again!! I am tired of your indolence!! (Son was just nodding silently). After school, he went home and so was greeted by his father.

Father: So, any good news? How was your exam???


Son: It's OK bro...

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Life is a lesson. Learn from it.