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 Post subject: For a giggle
PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:53 pm 
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Joined: Fri Apr 14, 2006 4:16 am
Posts: 3140
Location: Melbourne, Australia
The Kids Are Driving Me Crazy! Brought to you by
www.JellyMom.com
© Copyright 2006, Lisa Barker. All rights reserved.

Forget Abu Ghraib, Use Toddlers

We don't need to keep people in these prison camps. We
could sufficiently torture them and get them to spill all their topsecret
information with just one stroller, two toddlers and three
hours of running errands on foot.

Every Monday I hike a mile to the church, the post office, the
bakery, back to the church again and then back home. This
constitutes about three hours of my day. Two and a half of those
hours involve my three-year old screaming at full volume while she
hangs over the side of the stroller and slowly rotates her head 360
degrees while spitting pea soup.

For some reason this pleases her two-year old brother
(seated in front of her) who begins to swing his head from side to
side and sing. Whereupon, she sits up and repeatedly slaps him on
the head, causing him to cry while she grunts out a hoarse “WAH!
WAH! WAH!” with each hit.

By this time people on the streets are ducking into alleys and
storefronts as I make my way through town. I'm so numb to the pain
that I no longer see the stares or catch glimpses of those who frown
and roll their eyes…I'm like Cujo. I'm far enough along in my
insanity to know I'm sick and yet I don't want to hurt my family—I
want to be put out of my misery as soon as possible...but this
terrible urge is rising up inside me....

I now understand why some species eat their young.
What a small price to pay for some peace and quiet. What a
great resource we have for national security! If only the powers that
be would listen. I'd let them borrow my tots for the afternoon. Surely
they could get to the bottom of most urgent matters in zero time
with my toddlers in tow.

"Sir, we want to ask you a few questions."
"It depends on what you mean by the word 'questions'..."
"Okay, bring in the toddlers!"
"No! No, I'll speak! I'll do and say whatever you want!"
This is what my husband is like come Monday morning. Boy,
is he ready for work! Give him one weekend with the toddlers and
he can deal with any office politics you send his way—with a SMILE
on his face.

I can inspire the same gratitude in my older children.
Anytime they start bickering among themselves, I put them in
charge of the toddlers. In less than half an hour I have ‘tweens that
are more than ready to be charitable with each other—anything to
get away from the two tots.

Better yet, I can get through a checkout line in nothing flat if I
take my cranky toddlers with me. Once they start up, people
MOVE out of the way and the cashier does all she can to speed up
the process. I get to go right to the front of the line at the post
office.

This morning my husband was envying the fact that I get to
sleep in two extra hours. I said, “Yes, but there’s a trade off,” I said,
lifting my weary head and nodding toward the door. “THEM.”
Down the hall, peacefully asleep yet, the toddlers were
recharging their batteries for another day of torture for Mom.
So why are we wasting our tax dollars on anything but
toddler power?

The Kids Are Driving Me Crazy! Brought to you by
www.JellyMom.com
© Copyright 2006, Lisa Barker. All rights reserved

_________________
السلام عليكم


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2010 3:04 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 8:25 pm
Posts: 1217
Location: Australia
What happens when you ask a graphic designer to help find your cat..................



http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html

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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2010 11:17 pm 
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QuoteMaster

Joined: Fri Apr 14, 2006 4:16 am
Posts: 3140
Location: Melbourne, Australia
'David Thorne' is my new God.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 12:43 am 
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QuoteMaster

Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 8:25 pm
Posts: 1217
Location: Australia
:D Keep this site in my favourites for when I need a giggle or even to LMAO. :D

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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)


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