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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 2:48 pm 
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QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2002 4:51 pm
Posts: 3071
Location: University of New Hampshire
Ever wonder why.....

.. Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? And yet men can... go figure!

...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...why doctors call what they do "practice"?

...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real
lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black
box?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?


In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.


On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to
work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the
shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a
suggestion).

On Tosco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a
bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you
thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me
more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking
this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)


On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out
there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3:
maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was
there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On Microwaveable Simply Cozy Gel Pad: Caution- Inner gel pad can reach very high
temperatures. (So thats why we dont overheat those bags!)

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Sanctuary: a small safe place in a troubling world


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 9:34 am 
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QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 3:45 am
Posts: 95
really....amazing :D

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-Arora.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing on one's own sunshine. -Ralph Waldo Emerson


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:58 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:25 pm
Posts: 28
Location: decisions........decisions
undescribably halarious

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I've been thinking a lot and I have to tell you, I don't like you any more....I love you


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 3:04 pm 
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QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:06 pm
Posts: 523
Quote:
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.


i love that sentence so much :lol:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 3:56 pm 
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QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2002 4:51 pm
Posts: 3071
Location: University of New Hampshire
Chicago the musical wrote:
I suppose we broke up for... artistic differences. He saw himself as alive.....and I saw him as dead.

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Sanctuary: a small safe place in a troubling world


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:41 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 24, 2005 1:27 pm
Posts: 4
Location: Wisconsin, USA
I just heard one the other day:

I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:21 am 
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QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2006 10:40 am
Posts: 4043
Location: Land of the Pyramids
I just adore them ... thanks for the laugh :lol:

With special regards to this one ...

God must love stupid people; He made so many.


hehe truth hurts in a funny way ;)


Libra.


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 Post subject: lol
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 9:53 am 
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Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2007 5:59 am
Posts: 53
Location: wandering aimlessly
lol @ pms being equated to mad cow disease...


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 Post subject: shoplifter's special :)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 9:57 am 
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Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2007 5:59 am
Posts: 53
Location: wandering aimlessly
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the
shoplifter special?)

hahahhahahahaha, i love this one!


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