Quotations and Literature Forum

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's draw with Germany. Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy"
Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawled to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says " I Can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. "Fock it" he says and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".

Paddy says, "I did Jess.
I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."`

_________________
السلام عليكم

Nice lol.

always remember when drinking too:

Drink triple.
See double.
Act single.

lol.

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To the world you may be one person.
But to one person you may be the world.

A bald man went into a tattoo place and asked to have hundreds of little rabbits tattooed on his head.

"Why?" asked the tattooist.

"Because from a distance, they'll look like hares."

_________________
السلام عليكم

thats hilarious.

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To the world you may be one person.
But to one person you may be the world.

I LIKE THAT DETROITREMEDY


GOOOD STUFF

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xoxo

This was forwarded to. Ahh, the perks of chainmail:

> >> Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't
even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what
he did to have so much energy.

> >> The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

> >> So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was
looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have
any rye bread?"

> >> She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
> >> He said, "I want 5 loaves."

> >> She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves... by the time you get to the 5th
loaf, it'll be hard."

> >> He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about
this but me."
> >>

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In the world of knowledge the idea of Good appears last of all and is seen only with an effort. When seen it is to be the Universal Author of things Beautiful and Right, parent and Lord of Light, and the source of Reason and Truth in the Intellectual.

> A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
>
> He approached a uniformed policeman and said,
> "I've lost my grandpa!"
>
> The cop asked, "What's he like?"
>
> The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
>
>
>
> "Johnnie Walker Black Label Scotch and women with big tits."

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In the world of knowledge the idea of Good appears last of all and is seen only with an effort. When seen it is to be the Universal Author of things Beautiful and Right, parent and Lord of Light, and the source of Reason and Truth in the Intellectual.

Sign from a church door,


'This is the gate of Heaven. Enter Ye all by this door.' (This door is kept locked because of the draught. Please use side door.)

_________________
السلام عليكم

halarious dude howd u come up wid dese jokes ???????

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I've been thinking a lot and I have to tell you, I don't like you any more....I love you

yeah ...it's funnyalious !!!!!

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Education is not the filling of the bucket; but the lightening of the fire, learn it and use it well

chek this out !! .. if ur hindi/urdu ppl u'll know !!

Poem

raste main ne betho k hawa tang kare gi.
Guzre hoe logon ki sada tang kare gi...

mat ttot k chaho kisi ko aaghz-e-safar main
bichre ga to har ik ada tang kare gi...

Naraz agar tumho to khudaar hain ham bhi
ye ishq hai is main jhuk ke mila nahin kerte...

karo ge yaad to har baat yaad aai gi.
guzarte howe lamho ki har moj tehar jae gi.....

talash karo ge jo ham se behter doosti koto.
nigah door talak ja k lot aaye gi...

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Education is not the filling of the bucket; but the lightening of the fire, learn it and use it well

cmon man im hindi and urdu can u like somehow put it in urdu literature ???????????????????

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I've been thinking a lot and I have to tell you, I don't like you any more....I love you

When u run toooo fast 2 get somewhere , u miss the fun of getting there, Life is not a race so take it slower, hear the music b4 the song !!

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Education is not the filling of the bucket; but the lightening of the fire, learn it and use it well

wat shehzad !! .... that is urdu ...i cant write in urdu script noww

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Education is not the filling of the bucket; but the lightening of the fire, learn it and use it well

Im sorry i guess im not so good at reading urdu as i thought. But at least i can speak it. So yu..............sorry

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I've been thinking a lot and I have to tell you, I don't like you any more....I love you