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 Post subject: original poetry/material
PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:31 am 
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Joined: Sat May 06, 2006 12:39 am
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Location: still melbourne...*rolls eyes*
i thoght that maybe we could have our own little mashing pot for self written "stuff" like poems (very) short stories and other things like that so here's mine


my one my only

Stealth and speed which you have never possess’d,
A shell so dull and ever so brittle,
All your life, dirt and sand have you caress’d
Love and lust, your life has had so little
Never will you parade new colourful tights
For you haven’t any to boast about,
Furthermore: no legs to slip in on nights
But do not despair you can do without.
Your pigment is dull and deplorable
With only one colour whatsoever,
In any case you are adorable
As you shall be for always, forever.

You’re here with me, never to be lonely
Oh, tiny, dull, snail my one my only

hope you liked it
it was written for a school project and i recieved full marks i am fairly proud as it is loosely following Shakespearian sonnet form [/b]

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well my we are now oficially broken up, i have a new guy who is looking quite good though and he really does enjoy my company, let's see if this blossoms into a lovely thing?


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:54 am 
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Nice Chippa, harsh to keep snails in captivity though, I hope you choose to use him/her/it as part of your dare!

I think most of my stuff is on the song lyrics thread.


Last edited by Moshei on Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 3:39 am 
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Joined: Sat May 06, 2006 12:39 am
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Location: still melbourne...*rolls eyes*
oh i didn't keep 'im for long i was just reminiscing about my 6th year when i would race snails i would bet blades of grass on them and then let them free into my backyard the next day after school i would find them all again and race them again. i had a very favourite one i called him "super-psuedo-flash-man-aka-roger" i called him petey and he was identifyable by the streak of red nail polish down the back of his shell. And i would never knowingly hurt an animal if i could help it, i don't eat red meat (mainly because it makes me sick for a day) i don't go to animal using circuses and animal using organisations e.t.c

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well my we are now oficially broken up, i have a new guy who is looking quite good though and he really does enjoy my company, let's see if this blossoms into a lovely thing?


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 4:26 am 
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:D I was only joking Chippa.


Last edited by Moshei on Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 7:39 am 
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Release yourself to me
Open your heart and mind
Allow me to enter into the windows of your soul
A journey taken down many paths of your past, present, and future
For what hidden pains are locked away
Secrets untold for any reasons
Strives held for the future

Release yourself to me
Allow my to feel the very essence of your soul
The colors in your life
To hear the drums beating bold

Release yourself to me
As I embark to meet you there
To dance with the very existence of each playing note

I hear laughter, a child, that you once were
Many untold stories there I can see
Yet, you grew to be valorous

Again I ask release yourself to me
I hear music privately calling
That path so soothing and eager to be there

Oh, the presence of you there
Allows me to smile
I have to go but this voyage is far from over

I will enter again if you allow me.
To see the mystique treasures of your future.

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Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. -- Gandhi


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 8:40 am 
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chippa, silly me i thought "snail" was symbolic for something, but i really like ur poem.
ive got one, am kind of sensitive about my poetry, but what the hay:
this is where im from
where streets connect
ya & people say they reprisent
but i represent nothing
the streets represent me
i know every corner
people on every street
every face of the sun
when the sun greets me
i search for deep solutions
behind the allies, & by the library
i talk to every person
i see on my streets
in stores, on the sidewalks
the streets are my permenent home
when im lost, i take the streets back
or they take me somewhere new to go

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If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.

-- Winnie the Pooh


*jezebelle*


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 11:43 am 
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I hope people don't mind me pulling there poems apart and analysing the meaning. Please discuss it with me, as I am interested to know your thoughts.

Jari, your poem is addressing someone in your life who is hiding themselves away from the world. Someone you care about perhaps? You seem to go to a lot of trouble to talk to them. I get the impression this person is a musician, or a big music fan, as you use a lot of language from the lexis of music (such as 'note', 'drums' and of course 'music'). This is also backed up by your choice to use the sense of sound (hearing laughter for example) as the key description used to explore the persons situation. Could the person be blind, perhaps? The use of the phrase 'windows to your soul' could be a metaphor for eyes. It could be that you have gone to the persons house and rung the bell and they have not answered though you can clearly hear music. The repetition of the word 'future' at the beginning and the end of the poem suggests that it is a young person who the poem is dealing with. Although the 'child you once were' part of the poem suggests they are an adult. The person locking themselves away could have been recently blinded and have found solice in music, as it is an art they can enjoy still. The use of the adjective 'valorous' suggests they are a brave hero of sorts, possbily a soldier. Going back to the 'windows to your soul' part, it is stated before that you wish to enter them. This suggests to me that it could be a metaphorical blindness we are dealing with. The person involved could have had an experience which has lead them to close their eyes to the world and turn their back on it, loss maybe. What do you think to this Jari? I would like to see what you have to say.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 11:52 am 
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Jez, have you ever spent part of your life in a large city like New York? The colloquialism 'represent' reminds me of urban culture, and the use of the collective noun 'streets' also suggests this, although you feel isolated from it with your retort 'I represent nothing'. The message behind your poem is that you are bigger than those who 'represent' the streets. Either you are the most respected member of your community, or you do not accept their particular view on the community and believe people to be bigger than the place. However, your referal to 'allies' suggests that you have friends on the street. Your reference to the sun greeting you suggests you are on the streets at sunrise. Your searching for a solution at a library suggests you need a place to stay and the library is open to the public. Using allies as a solution suggests you stay with them. For these reasons I would take a shot at saying this poem is written from a homeless perspective. Do I have it right?


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 11:56 am 
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.


Last edited by Moshei on Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 2:10 pm 
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Moshei, to be completely honest I never had anyone question my poetry before. However, I will answer this for you. Yes, this person is in my life and no they are not blind. I am the type of person that I am eager to know everything about someone; it's my fascination to know where a person comes from and where life will lead them in the future. Music really moves me and I like to add it in my work, but the person is musically talented themself. The windows to one's soul is through their eyes and the best way to read a person; just my opinion though. Any other questions you have I will do my best to answer openly.

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Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. -- Gandhi


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 2:31 pm 
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Ahh, good so I was almost right then. I like to explore the meanings of different forms of literature. Its nice to see other people posting their own poetry on these forums.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:02 am 
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lol, close moshei, i was from L.A., and as far as homeless goes..its close enough, my dad use to kick me out a lot, even though it sounds like something horrible, i didnt mind so much becouse of the way it grew into me and made me the way i am.
i like this thread, and i love the opportunity to read others people original poetry, it was a good idea, i hope they keep coming. :D

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If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.

-- Winnie the Pooh


*jezebelle*


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:24 am 
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LA would be my second suggestion :P


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:35 am 
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moshei, im to lazy to scrole all the way back up :D , did u post a peom? :mrgreen:

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If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.

-- Winnie the Pooh


*jezebelle*


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 2:17 pm 
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No time for this chopped logic
Ignorance to the situation at hand
Your harking desperation is mind blowing
As if I care to understand
Pull the trigger, I say
Silence the screeking noise that flows from your mouth
No more,
Don't care,
Absolute freedom consumes my very existence
Shackles were never placed on me
Now with distance you tempt to restrain me
A release of laughter from my chest
Foolish thinker
What power do you think you have
None, I say, none
Open your eyes
See what you have losted
For neither heaven or hell wants you
Wonder this earth
Think of death
May God have mercy
A body lays dead

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Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. -- Gandhi


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