Quotations and Literature Forum

Life’s Most Embarrassing Moments

It has been almost 30 years since this happened so I wanted to tell the story.

Back in the spring of 1974 I was almost a 17-year old dude. One day this gal took a liking to me so we started holding hands and stuff. We did things like sit by each other in the cafeteria. It wasn’t long until we had our first date. That date was almost a total disaster as far as dates go but that is a separate story. Anyway, there was an assembly of the student body and my sweetie pie had reserved me a seat right next to her. Fortunately it was a seat on the outside row in the auditorium.

As we were sitting in this room full of people I got real nervous. The speaker had not yet taken the podium. All of a sudden I had this involuntary release of methane gas. Rippp! It was both subtle and sudden—the kind of noise that makes people look about and wonder if they are hearing things or if the floor is squeaking. Well it really made me feel lower than a bug in the bottom of an outhouse. In the span of about three seconds I decided to just get up and walk out of the auditorium. My sweetie pie would not go along with it so she grabbed me by my belt and pulled me back down into the seat.
She said, “don’t you worry about such a little ole fart.”
It seemed that all that I could do was worry about it.
Fortunately the speaker took the podium and I made a decision not to think about it anymore. I don’t know if the incident made the grapevine but I imagined that it did.

And what is the moral of this story? It is better to poot & scoot than to fart & not depart.

I must say that I quite like your moral, and I know that my bofriend will much approve. Do you know any more that have a similar moral? Keep up the good work. Loz

Do I know anymore that have a similar moral? Maybe one or two

I have been working on a collection of stories that I have titled as The Trials & Arrows of Bows & Errors. I hope to finish the collection this winter. It looks like that I will be confined to the house for most of the winter because I will be recovering from a "total hip replacement." The eight weeks that I am off will be an ideal time to finish the collection.