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PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2004 7:00 pm 
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I have recently begun a poetic project entitled 'To Amélie,' a collection of letters written to a woman and scattered about the world in hopes that she might find them. (Of course, there is more to the story, but alas, that is not for me to tell right now.)

I have written it under a pseudonym I oft use, Ole Østenson Wenaas. If you would like to look at some of it (there is a small amount of personal notes within it as well, but it is mainly focused on the project), her is my journal that I have just started:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/oowenaas/

Any comments and critiques are welcomed with open arms.


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 Post subject: To Amèlie
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2004 8:52 pm 
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This is a magnificent peice of creative literature! :D
I have read your existing work and I am very enthralled by it. It seems like a great classic work in the making.


Are you planning on crafting it all in the Shakespearian sonnet style?


I am a romantically inclined person myself, and I have written many poems on the subject. Perhaps I might be allowed to submit some verses of my own for your reveiw?

_________________
"Whom I love? Think a moment-
Think of me, me whom the plainest woman would despise...Whom should I love?

Why, it must be the woman in the world most beautiful!"

-Cyrano de Bergerac


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 Post subject: Suggestion...
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2004 8:58 pm 
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I think your first entry has the most promise for a good beginning introduction. Perhaps lengthen that sonnet just a few lines and it would be an ideal opener for your progression towards his departure.

_________________
"Whom I love? Think a moment-
Think of me, me whom the plainest woman would despise...Whom should I love?

Why, it must be the woman in the world most beautiful!"

-Cyrano de Bergerac


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2004 1:07 pm 
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Cyrano,

Thank you very much for the comments. I don't plan on everything being written as a sonnet. As for the beginning, I may take your suggestion; but then again, I am thinking of going all the way back to the beginning, when the speaker first met this woman.

And as for your poetry, feel free to post anything here. I'm not very good at the art of critiquing, but I may be able to go through it and try something out.

It shouldn't matter that it's technically off-topic; this is, after all, for fluff. :D


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 Post subject: Contributing a verse
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2004 8:22 pm 
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:idea: :arrow: Wishflower

Her fragrance is beauty, like a sweet-smelling wine
Her eyes are like the morning dewdrops as they catch the sunshine

Her hair is a stream of long golden petals
Though many a man has she stung with her nettles

Her touch is like that of the soft evening breeze
Her voice is a faint whisper of love amid the trees

Her smile is radiant; it brings magnificent light to her face
Her laughter is nectar, sweeter than mortal tongues can taste

Alas, here I stand! I dare not move closer
For I lack any words that could speak of my indelible love for her

I close my eyes and see her face, and my love grows with each passing hour
Amid even the very garden of Eden, she would still stand out, my perfect wishflower



An original work by J.R. Dudley


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




I went along with the theme of being in a garden. I don't know how much of it you want to use, but it's here for your taking.

_________________
"Whom I love? Think a moment-
Think of me, me whom the plainest woman would despise...Whom should I love?

Why, it must be the woman in the world most beautiful!"

-Cyrano de Bergerac


Last edited by Cyrano de Bergerac on Tue Apr 20, 2004 8:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Perhaps...
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2004 8:25 pm 
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If you wanted to try to draw the reader into the plot-action quickly at the beginning, you might simply open with her departure and then a bit later go back to him remembering his first meeting her. :?:

Just an idea...

_________________
"Whom I love? Think a moment-
Think of me, me whom the plainest woman would despise...Whom should I love?

Why, it must be the woman in the world most beautiful!"

-Cyrano de Bergerac


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 Post subject: How doth your tale spin?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 9:43 pm 
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What news, good sir Pun?

I have been keeping up with your jornal of O.O. Weenas, and it is delightful. Any ideas on how you'll approach his departure?

_________________
"Whom I love? Think a moment-
Think of me, me whom the plainest woman would despise...Whom should I love?

Why, it must be the woman in the world most beautiful!"

-Cyrano de Bergerac


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