Quotations and Literature Forum

At least you try, we'd do far worse if your jokes were in Turkish!!

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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)

It's interesting how un-English the English can be in speech.

As for laughing at folk, did you look at the Morris dancers. Englands second biggest embarrasment, after the football team.

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السلام عليكم

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"God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
Voltaire

A Priest and a Turkish bus driver die and join the queue before the Paradise's gate. When it is priest's turn, angel asks:"Confess your sins, father"
He says:"Oh holy angel, i was a priest so i spent my life praying to the Almighty. I was loyal to the church and i always helped poor and weak."

Angel responds:"Here's the silver key of the Paradise. Enter now, and enjoy what you deserved."

And it is Turkish bus driver's turn. Angel asks:"Confess your sins"

He says:"I helped the poor and weak too, but i did not pray so often and i think there are many sins in my past..."

Angel responds:"Okay, this is the golden key of the Paradise,enter,o holy son of Almighty,enjoy!"

Priest complains:"I was a priest and my entire life was devoted to the Almighty, but while a bus driver gets golden key of the Paradise, i get the silver one!"

Angel says:"Father, while you were preaching, everyone used to fall asleep, but while this guy was driving, everyone was praying to the Almighty."

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"God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
Voltaire

That one sounds SO familiar in this country, AND IT'S NOT LIMITED TO BUS DRIVERS.

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Life is a lesson. Learn from it.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZ ZZ



Snoring Bob:

The guys were all staying at a hotel for the annual deer hunt.

No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.

They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning

with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you?"

He said, Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn.

In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring.

I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn.

Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

"Good morning!" he said.

They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night....

Bob sat up and watched me all night."

_________________
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders

Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985

Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Sincerely, Shakespeare

Dear Soccer Fans,
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
Sincerely, Vuvuzelas

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God

Dear Rubik's Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind

Dear Santa,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio

Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.
All you had to do was wake up.
Sincerely, Mulan

Dear Romeo,
My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...
Sincerely, Juliet

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed

Dear Sex Educators,
Abstinence is only 99.99% effective.
Sincerely, The Virgin Mary

Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast

Dear Edward,
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake

Dear Prince Charming,
You've got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty

_________________
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)

Thumbs up!

A gentle one -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxPuyrfHA3o

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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)

truly that i believe in that saying. but for our elders, do you think the laughter can still cure their illness? their short living on earth? come to think of this.

To all the Northern Hemisphere - a winter warmer:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-01-04/s ... .svl=news3

_________________
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e e cummings (1894 - 1962)

Don't you hate warm beer?

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السلام عليكم

nationalism rules.

a Turk, an Englishman, an Iranian, a French, a German, an Israeli, and a Russian meet and all boast about their nation.

Englishman says: We have the best car brands ever. All elegant and highest class cars are the English craft.

Iranian says: Our carpets are the finest in the world.

French says: We're famous for the way we kiss and make love, we're the real love-makers (does this soud weird in eng?)

German says: Our beer is the most famous in the world.

Israeli says: Our intelligence agency is the best. Not even a bird can fly without being recognized by us.

Russian says: Russian women are the most beautiful women in the world.

and Turk says: We're famous for our men. A Turkish man takes a Russian girl, drives her in an English car to his home, drinks German beer, gives her French kiss on an Iranian carpet before Mossad recognizes it.

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"God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
Voltaire

A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build.

Twenty years,? replied the guide.

"You Indians are a lazy lot" the tourist said.

In my country, this could have been built in five.

At Agra he admired the Taj's beauty and asked how many years it took to build.

"Only ten years" said the guide.

The tourist retorted: "You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half.? In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time.

Finally, when they reached the Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: "I don't know. It wasn't there yesterday evening."

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Ishrat Noor Khan

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

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Ishrat Noor Khan