1. Open Pandora’s box and you will see,
2. Only the wind is truly free.
3. Living in a purloined shell,
4. Locked inside a glowing cell.
5. Lying growling, crouched in wait,
6. Fighting always the winds of fate.
7. Pulling life from all around,
8. Storing it deep within the ground.
9. The sated spirit growls in pain,
10.Crouched hidden in the pouring rain.
11. Trying not to open the door,
12. For the things that howl across the moor.
13. Knowing life is all just power,
14. Petals opening like a great flower.
15. Peeling back like a fox,
16. Revealing the lock to the great box.
17. Knowing you hold the key,
18. Hoping to unlock this mystery.
- Lines 2 and 5 may be interpretted as a little contradictory. In the former the wind is free and seems to have its own conscience, in the latter, it is bound by fate and controllable.
- I'm not sure I like lines 13 and 14- perhaps I'm not getting the message there- can you take me through them quickly. I don't feel they really add much to this piece.
- The rhyming of 'box' and 'fox' is atrocious and you should know better from the rhyming you've otherwise demonstrated consistently through out. Line 15 does not make any sense, you really have to sort this out. What about using 'chest' instead of box and finding an alternative rhyme?
- In line 18 you describe it as a mystery, yet you've been describing the physical description of what might lurk inside, throughout the poem, I'm not sure it entirely works, but I'm inclined to let you off because you don't name the evils inside and he may still be unaware of its contents.