Quotations and Literature Forum

It is currently Fri Apr 18, 2014 6:28 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Pandora's box
PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 4:24 pm 
Offline
QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2002 4:51 pm
Posts: 3071
Location: University of New Hampshire
“Pandora’s Box”

Open Pandora’s box and you will see,
Only the wind is truly free.
Living in a purloined shell,
Locked inside a glowing cell.
Lying growling, crouched in wait,
Fighting always the winds of fate.
Pulling life from all around,
Storing it deep within the ground.
The sated spirit growls in pain,
Crouched hidden in the pouring rain.
Trying not to open the door,
For the things that howl across the moor.
Knowing life is all just power,
Petals opening like a great flower.
Peeling back like a fox,
Revealing the lock to the great box.
Knowing you hold the key,
Hoping to unlock this mystery.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 10:26 am 
Offline
QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2006 10:40 am
Posts: 4043
Location: Land of the Pyramids
cdsg23...you are really talented and I have noticed that nature and its mysterious aspects inspire you.

I like it indeed.

Libra.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:06 pm 
Offline
QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 3:23 pm
Posts: 661
Location: England
Quote:

1. Open Pandora’s box and you will see,
2. Only the wind is truly free.
3. Living in a purloined shell,
4. Locked inside a glowing cell.
5. Lying growling, crouched in wait,
6. Fighting always the winds of fate.
7. Pulling life from all around,
8. Storing it deep within the ground.
9. The sated spirit growls in pain,
10.Crouched hidden in the pouring rain.
11. Trying not to open the door,
12. For the things that howl across the moor.
13. Knowing life is all just power,
14. Petals opening like a great flower.
15. Peeling back like a fox,
16. Revealing the lock to the great box.
17. Knowing you hold the key,
18. Hoping to unlock this mystery.


- Lines 2 and 5 may be interpretted as a little contradictory. In the former the wind is free and seems to have its own conscience, in the latter, it is bound by fate and controllable.
- I'm not sure I like lines 13 and 14- perhaps I'm not getting the message there- can you take me through them quickly. I don't feel they really add much to this piece.
- The rhyming of 'box' and 'fox' is atrocious and you should know better from the rhyming you've otherwise demonstrated consistently through out. Line 15 does not make any sense, you really have to sort this out. What about using 'chest' instead of box and finding an alternative rhyme?
- In line 18 you describe it as a mystery, yet you've been describing the physical description of what might lurk inside, throughout the poem, I'm not sure it entirely works, but I'm inclined to let you off because you don't name the evils inside and he may still be unaware of its contents.

_________________
"The proper study of mankind is man."
Alexander Pope


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:56 pm 
Offline
QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2002 4:51 pm
Posts: 3071
Location: University of New Hampshire
thanks for the input, it helps alot!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: pataabnoste and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group