Quotations and Literature Forum

THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.



6. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.



11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.



16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19. Procrastinate Now!

20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?



21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24.They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.



26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

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Have Fun, Good Luck.

Odette, thanks. Made my day. They're all great.

what ? i didnt send them, i just laughed

very funny, LOL

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Who do you know who burns scented candles?
http://www.scentedcandlesclub.com

Tushkahill, sorry, I've passed them on. Great!
Thanks. Odette

Good one! Now I know why I smile so much...

Tushki, keep rolling the pages of humour.

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Ishrat Noor Khan

I've had a good laugh, thanx

here's a quote I heard somebody use just yesterday (at his own advantage, shame )

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

And here's another bunch he sent with it:

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Jesus is coming - everyone look busy.
Born free........Taxed to death.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife.....Best trade I ever made!
So you're a feminist - isn't that cute?
Rehab is for quitters
If, a two letter word for futility.
I don't care, I don't have to.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
To all you virgins out there....Thanks for nothing.

thanks, those are good ones!

haha that's amazing I love those

These will be my away messages per day.
Thanks.

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In the world of knowledge the idea of Good appears last of all and is seen only with an effort. When seen it is to be the Universal Author of things Beautiful and Right, parent and Lord of Light, and the source of Reason and Truth in the Intellectual.

Thanks Tush, those really made my day a lot better than it was originally.

*prints out list and runs around showing to people who are having just a bad a day as i was*

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Sanctuary: a small safe place in a troubling world

Pretty funny xD

Made me smile a bit, nice ;P

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I take for granted life, beacause personally, I don't understand it.

Mark Twain is once quoted as follows:

Be careful to get out of an experience all the wisdom that is in it; not like the cat that sits down on a hot stove. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again... and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.

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A reed is more than a reed when it thinks.