Quotations and Literature Forum

First, to the mods... I'm not especially sure this belongs here, move it if you must.

Now to the general public... I'm wondering what you think of this poem I wrote last night. It's only a first draft, but I'd like to know how to better it from a person other than myself. Thanks.

Listen.
Another day has come to pass.
Another month has gone so fast.
Another love has gone to stay.
I saw this that fateful day.

Among the roses, the children run.
Of hearts broken, they know none.
This image I saw, but minutes before
Set in motion, evermore.

As I watch the moon so bright
In the darkness of the night
I find inside my ravaged soul
A constant beauty; fresh and full.

Alas, I lose it instantly
Like my lover not to be
Mourning this loss as once before
Holding my face, eyes soaked and sore.

As I lay me down to rest
I realize that it is best
To seek not of that past
But of the future; what will last.


-Andrew Morrison

HEY BYDDY HAVE YOU WRITTEN IT YOURSELF!! I REALLY LIKED IT

_________________
IF YOU CAN DREAM IT YOU CAN DO IT

before all you musnt trust my intelligence so much, because i think you could explain what you were feeling more clearly.
for example rose, moon and children.. what do they symbolize? maybe you were thinking over so much , you were feeling many emotion (?) at the same time i dont know.. but in my opinion, every word must be used *very* carefully. even people dont know what they symbolize, you have to give them an oppotunity to anticipate it.
good luck.

What is life,is full of care
We have no time to stand and stare
No time to stand and have a check
Where the roads lead and when they break
No time to stare and let them go
The things that have no sense at all
No time to see,when life we pass
Where is God and when we are blessed
What is life,if full of care
We don`t have whit whom to share...


the beginning is from the poem Leisure of W.H.Davis

smells existancialism...