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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:31 pm 
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Pupil of Knowledge
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And so! It's finally here by request of a few people... I'll start it off then. :D

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A trifle past midnight tonight, it was
And the whole of the house was hushed
And after a while something odd happened: Into the house a man with bags rushed

What could this man want with us?
What were we to do?
I wouldn’t mind to bid this fellow farewell, good-bye, adieu

What I see indeed surprised me
I could barely see by light of a candle
He took out jingling money bags and placed them by our fire mantle

I wanted to know why this fellow would do this
I just had to know the man’s name
So I clear my throat loudly to call attention and he acted like he was ashamed

“Now don’t be sad, my friend, you’re great.
How did you have such a mind to create
Such a splendid idea to help others out! That is where we relate.”

“For I, too, have helped people out
I taught my son this, too
Now reveal yourself to me, kind stranger, show me who you are

The man allowed me to turn him around
And so I reached for his broad shoulders
I turn him ‘round, he’s looking down
I realize who it is.

“Nikolai! Nikolai! I can’t believe it’s you!
Why, dear boy, are you shamed?
Why didn’t you sing out? Why not tell me aloud?
For, son, I’ve never been so proud.

A Ballad

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There. You'll find that I'll write one almost every night, giving you the whole of tomorrow to comment before I return from school. I thought using the Russian pronunciation of Nicholas instead of the English was a nice touch. Perhaps I should have added more Russian influence for it to fit in... Hope you all like it.

Regards

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:35 pm 
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I just reread it and it's sort of hard to get the rhythm of the words. Try reading the first stanza until you get it right... Then carry it on for the rest of the poem. If the rhythm is still scrwed up I suppse that you can blame on me.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:47 pm 
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Wow can I tell you, you have talent? No you must know that already! Love this ballad
:D

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 3:31 am 
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Pretty good, i liked it, and don't worry bout the rythm... it worked fine!
Keep writing em down!


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 4:09 am 
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Thanks! I thought it was good last night but I just woke up and I was thinking it sucked! I'm writing them not for my own entertainment, but for the entertainment of others.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 6:34 am 
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I was reading an introduction to a collection of stories yesterday (I know... sad...!) but it said something that made sense. It says if you try to write to please everybody you'll end up pleasing nobody. but if you write to please yourself you'll be surprised how many people like it.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:55 am 
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A very nice Ballad Fydor...I wonder what it'll sound like if its sung out by Luther Vandross? Pity he's dead...
What I write never pleases myself, they either come out too short or a long piece of crap...But it seems to come out okay when I show them to my teacher, so I guess I'm OKAY in writing...


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 12:42 pm 
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I always think my poemsa suck, but Raven likes them so...

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:07 pm 
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A successful writer's standards are always higher than the readers I think


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:40 pm 
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Apparently.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 8:31 pm 
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Beautiful! Almost reminded me of something...I can't place it. Oh well! (Thinking...Thinking...) Oh Yeah! When you started talking about placing money on the mantel, it reminded me of the story "The Monkeys Paw" by Poe. I do not know why, since it has nothing to do with it, but my mind was drawn back to the scenery I had pictured while reading that story. Well, I hope to here more of your ballads.

Tootles,
Raven

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 1:10 am 
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wow ur really good! I loved it :D

Rana

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 8:05 am 
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I just woke up this morning. I couldn't be bothered to do one last night, I was too tired. I tried but couldn't come up with anything. I'll try again right now.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 8:33 am 
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In my crumbling tenement
I sit and wait to die
I try and try; nothing seems to work
I just can’t see the reason why…

That putrid smell lingers around
That horrible terrible creaking sound
A man once told me to count my blessings
But none I had…

I stare at the wall in utter despair
I hear a man fall through the stairs
“He’ll be alright.” I say without care
We’re only on the first floor…

This further fuels my horrible sadness
My mind struggling for sanity
Finally I have had enough
I reach for stairs…

A creak and a crack on every step
Holding the rail was futile
I ascend to my destination
The fourth floor…

I stomp towards the crumbling balcony
On which was a pile of blankets
I tear away at the goods and linens
To the balcony I make my way…

Three feet I walk ignoring the yells
It was a long and terrifying walk
But finally I reach the end
I step on the rail and begin to descend

I take one foot off, two feet off
I close my eyes so tight
I refuse to freeze or starve to death
I begin my fall with one last breath…

I fall and fall my head pointing down
Everything seems still
As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m filled with anger that could kill…

So comes the end of this terrible journey
I was tired of waiting for an end
So that I take care of for myself
With my last breath I say, “I’m sorry.”

So ends the journey for this deperate woman
Some say she did the right thing
Whether or not it's over now
She's finally at peace...















...Or is she?

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 8:34 am 
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Hope you like part two!

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