Quotations and Literature Forum

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 6:37 pm 
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I loved the poem, but thought that the ending was a bit weak and could use some work. Other than that, I thought the symbolism and the phrasing was superb!!

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 10:38 am 
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dear one
there is a dearth of quality subject on ur lines. please think of some subject. if u can't find subject go to ur neighbourhood or street and walk for 10 minutes u will find a subject and u will be able to write classics as i was also like u previously and now with much patience i dont write without the subject and when i write with subject it becomes a classic and which contains something to inspire others,

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2005 11:03 pm 
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I think the poem inspired compassion.... I mean do you have any idea how much servers have to deal with? lol... anyway tho it was simple still enjoyable as most simple things in life are...
Also I really liked the visualization i got from the line about the orange napkin holders... it just tickled me... lol

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 7:00 am 
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I also quite liked this poem-it didn't do much for me on the first reading but on the 2nd and 3rd I got to like it more and more. Some people have said that one of it's faults is the unanswered questions-theres nothing wrong with this in a poem it lets you draw ur own conclusions. And sure it's unclear how you know all these things about the boy but sometimes poems like this tell you about the speaker and what they think more than the charachter.
One criticism is the disordered and confused feel that u can get when reading it. Some people have praised it as a good effect but i don't think it fits-the speaker seems quite certain in what he/she is saying. The disordered feel in the poem doesnt communicate anything.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:45 pm 
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Well you sure can write way better than me im still trying to write a poem that doesnt rhyme thats what everyone said my problem was.Its cool I had no problem with your poem.

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